Who am I?

Even though I ended up graduating with a BA in English, my first major in college was Psychology (I still wish I'd followed through with at least a minor). Social Psychology, in particular, has always intrigued me. A recent discovery caused a renewed spark in my interest. Over the last 5 years, I've taken the Myers-Briggs Personality test four times. What I hadn't realized was that I'd kept an incomplete record of the changes in my results! The initial spark quickly turned into a roaring inferno, and I'm now deeply involved in an intriguing process of former self vs. current self "re-discovery."

2004: My senior year of high school. I hated high school, and I was desperate for a fresh start. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, though it had less to do with me and more to do with my surroundings. I didn't quite fit in, no matter where I was, and I saw college as my way out (or in).
2004: ISFP – They are peaceful, easygoing people who adopt a "live and let live" approach to life. They enjoy taking things at their own pace and tend to live in the moment. Although quiet, they are pleasant, considerate, and caring, devoted to the people in their lives. Though not inclined to debate or necessarily even air their views, their values are important to them.

2005: The second semester of my Freshman year of college. By this point I've had plenty of time to establish myself as a loud-mouthed social butterfly with a slightly-off sense of humor and an insatiable appetite for social shenanigans. Simply put, I was having a blast re-inventing myself.
2005: ENFP - They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They tend to idealize people, and can be disappointed when reality fails to fulfill their expectations. With a dramatic flair, they share their experiences with others, hoping to reveal some universal truth or win others over in support of a cause. Attuned to possibilities, they scan their environment, probing the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. This sensitivity sometimes conflicts with their intense drive for personal authenticity.

2006/7: My Junior year of college. I had the 3 best room mates a girl could ask for. By now I'm comfortably situated in my new social role... but things start to change this year, which throws me off (I'm terrible with change). Thus starts the struggle to keep up with the not-so-new emotions that have crept up on me, after laying blissfully dormant for the last couple years.
2006/7: ENFJ - They strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Sometimes they idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. They are loyal and they expect loyalty. They focus on others, feeling a glow when those around them are happy, and troubled when something is amiss. They are natural cheerleaders, often expressing support, gratitude, and encouragement, and heaping praise onto those they appreciate. They take note of what is being done and what needs doing, offering their assistance wherever necessary. In general, they are reliable and do not like to disappoint others.
*I just need to point out that this profile is an eerily accurate reflection of what my year was like, not just my personality. Also, 2/3 of my roomies had the same results...

2008: The winter after I graduated from college. After moving away from my consistent social environment, I struggled with feelings of severe displacement. I felt lost, keenly aware that I was, once again, changing to suit my changed environment. Imagine my devastation when, just a mere 6 months since my separation from my newly-built life, I'm mirroring where I was in high school.
2008: ISFP – You've already read it, so I'll just say that the regression manifested itself physically, not just emotionally. As I experienced more and more emotional downfalls (which some people know about, and some don't), I started getting sick all the time. The more I retreated into myself, the clumsier I got (and I'm a klutz by nature anyway), so I was constantly sporting injuries like a fractured foot, a rusty nail puncture wound, and countless bruises.

2009: Enter the present. After an intense period of searching, faith renewal, and personal growth, I've settled into my re-classification as an Introvert. I'm no recluse, but I've re-trained myself to take as much pleasure out of solitude as I used to take (and still do, just on a smaller scale) from constant social activity. I still see/talk to many of my closest loves from college. During my darker periods I throw myself into reading, music, and my writing, disappearing potentially for weeks before resurfacing and re-engaging in the social world. It's all part of finding my new balance, after these past years of major social and emotional change.
2009: INFP – They tend to live in their own inner world, dominated by intense feeling and deeply held ethics, though they appear calm and reserved on the outside. They value harmony and integrity in human relationships, seeking unity of mind, body, and spirit but often find these values to be out of step with the more concrete pursuits of the rest of the world. Their polite, reserved exterior can at first make them difficult to get to know. When they are in a sociable mood, their humor and charm shine through. Devoted to those in their inner circle, they guard the emotional well-being of others, consoling those in distress. They develop insights through reflection, and they require substantial time alone to ponder and process new information.

So clearly, the biggest change is my current tendency for solitude, after so many years of being part of a group. I believe this is a reflection of my maturing process, rather than a flaw or a sign of distress. Something I didn't realize is that so much of my earlier life relied on validation from my social environment. I suppose that's a normal part of adolescence and young-adulthood, as we learn who we are and work on becoming who we want to be. Now I'm at a new crossroads in my life (and certainly not the last), and I'm sure there are more changes to come, along with a personality-profile update.

My Lucky Day

Bruce Springsteen concert = most amazing night of my life to date!!!

WARNING: Shameless manic post-concert excitement ahead. Plan your timing accordingly! (And don't forget the popcorn!)

Friday, April 3, 2009:
6:15pm - the time we were supposed to leave for the concert (the concert was at the Jobing.com arena in Glendale, the concert started at 7:30).

6:35pm - the time we actually left. Delayed departures are common in my family, so this was not unexpected.

7:15pm - We get to the arena, park across the street (we opted out of the $20 valet).

7:35pm - after braving an over-crowded elevator and navigating treacherously-steep aisle steps, we get to our seats. True to performance-venue form, the show has not started on time!

7:45pm - still no sign of the Boss. The crowd is enthusiastic, energetic, and ready for a show!! Raucous cheering and applause starts erupting continually, a unified voice of our excitement! We’re not impatient yet, just eager!

8:00pm - by now, the raucous cheering episodes have become slightly more urgent, and include chants of “We Want Bruce” and other such cat-callings to get the Boss man on the stage! A number of entertaining minutes pass when the entire stadium manages to coordinate 6 or 7 rounds of The Wave. But interest starts to wane as more and more people start checking their watches and using their hands to clap encouragingly instead of lift them up into the air.

8:15pm - out of nowhere, two beach balls start bouncing around the stadium. This works as a diversion for a little bit...

8:20pm - The raucous cheering resumes with new vigor, though a few disgruntled fans (including my dad) are still checking their watches with disapproval. My own enthusiasm is loosing steam...

8:25pm - did I say loosing steam? Well, that was BEFORE the lights went out and you could see the BOSS MAN HIMSELF and the rest of the E-STREET BAND traipsing out onto the stage!!! And the CROWD WENT WILD!!!

8:30pm - And so starts a truly amazing concert.
Bruce Springsteen is an incredible performer. Watching him strut around the stage, smile into the microphone, and engage with the audience (which he did A LOT, he even let the standing crowd touch his guitar!! *jealous swoon*), you can see that his love for performing has never waned. And he’s SO handsome! Every time he smiled I nearly melted. I knew only a handful of songs, but Bruce is such an engaging performer that I had as much fun watching him move as I did hearing him sing! I loved watching him connect with his band mates, smiling and engaging with them as they all played. He even made a show out of his actions that were unrelated to his singing: tossing guitars back and forth with stagehands, squeezing a wet sponge onto his neck, sliding across the stage on his knees (and NOT colliding with the camera!), even doing a backbend while holding onto the microphone stand!! Oh wait, did I mention the poster-sign song requests? How cool is that??!!

Part of what made his concert so amazing was that it ran on PURE TALENT alone. Bruce didn’t need any huge, expensive stage props, vocal “guide tracks” (or whatever Ashlee Simpson is calling them), or a dancer-crowded stage to make his show a success, because he has *gasp* real talent! There's a reason Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band can play a 2 hour concert and then play an HOUR encore, and keep the audience on it’s feet, clapping, fist-pumping, and cheering the entire time... because of the soul behind the performance. *DISCLAIMER, IF YOU’RE A BRITNEY SPEARS FAN, READ ON AT OWN RISK* When you look at the differences between Bruce Springsteen concerts and, say, Britney Spears concerts, you see what I mean. My brother, who has been to a Britney Spears concert, even admitted it: after an overly flashy, lip-synched, over-danced and under-clad performance, Britney's concert only lasted something like an hour. Why? Because Britney is on that stage physically, but not in spirit. Anything that lacks spirit dies quickly, that’s true of anything in life: relationships, musical productions, concerts, etc. EVERYONE on that stage last night was into what they were doing, from Max Weinberg (the drummer- who has severe arthritis in his fingers and still rocked it hardcore!), to Patti Scialfa (Bruce's wife/guitar accompanist), and of course the Boss Man himself. That is what makes a concert successful, what makes your fans love you for 30+ years!!

There is a quote that talks about "giving of yourself" as the one true way to truly give. Bruce gives himself in his performances, in a way that Britney does not. Maybe it has to do with today's technology-age. Entertainment these days is so rooted in what's seen on a screen, and the focus on inter-personal interactions has faded to the wayside. Before tonight I had never really given much thought to the concept of the "electronic babysitter" being extended to attention-keeping in general. The attention spans of today's adolescents are alarmingly shortened due to prolonged exposure to short-term entertainment provided by electronic media... ironic that it now takes technology to also keep today's younger concert goers entertained.

Ok, in case you haven't noticed, I have a bit of a tangent-habit... you'll get used to it. lol. I have just one more thing to say...

YAY BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!!