It's not worth the weight

It's no big secret that the female population is plagued by skewed perceptions of body image. Unfortunately, it's no big surprise, either.

I mean, think of all the opportunities for self-degradation women are subjected to every day, all because of the "expectations" placed on us by the next-to-nothing coverage of today's clothing trends (and the typical-sized women anorexia-thin waifs that model them).
Last weekend I went shopping for a dress to wear to my friend Megan's bridal shower. It was an incredibly discouraging process, because it was pretty slim-pickins out there! I mean, the dresses themselves were cute, but...

*These pics are for representation only. No copyright infringment intended

...when did practically-pelvic-bone hemlines become appropriate?? These are more akin to bathing-suit cover-ups (notice how you can't even see the models' knees, they're so far below the hemline!). One slightly forceful gust of wind and you're showing more than what you see in a regular bathroom mirror! When I was a kid, these get-ups got you sent home, or at least to the nurse for a sweatshirt. What happened to the finger-tip rule???

It doesn't help that the media is in on the hype, too. I mean if they weren't, the public eye (particularly that of women) would never be laid on this:

This obviously-altered image caused an uproar, no surprise there.

In fairness, a lot of the media attention (such as the above-mentioned article) has been backlash against such absurdly disproportionate representations of the female form. And there are clothing designers out there who understand the need for "curvy" women to have a fair shot at fashion, too!
Well, unless you're this guy. But who does he think he is, anyway??

Because of my own weight struggles, I am particularly affected by the emphasis placed on having that "perfect figure." I have been stuck at chronically overweight for over 10 years, with a few periods of yo-yo weight loss in between. It's not because I don't try to lose weight...in fact I try very hard. Two years ago I reached my lowest weight since pre-adolescence, but since then I've gone up and down and up again. I don't watch very much tv (at least not "reality" tv) and I don't read magazines, because there are just too many reminders that I will never meet the "standards" set by the women in the media.

Back in May I wrote about my weight loss struggles. Unfortunately nothing has changed since then...in fact, I've actually gained weight. But I'm gearing up to start all over again. My goal is to get back to where I was 2 years ago, when I was at a healthy weight and felt great.

Wish me luck!

All I'm Thinkin' About

Remember when I put together a Q&A to answer the common pre-roadtrip inquiries?

Well, I decided to do a road trip-wrap-up Q&A as well. It's fun, it's easy, it's informative, and it's concise!

What was your favorite city?

That's a tough question to answer, because I had so much fun in each and every city I visited!

Every city I stayed in with friends or family was a favorite because of the company (Carlsbad, Davis, Rough and Ready, “the middle of nowhere”, and Seattle).

In terms of activities, I would say Ashland, OR was my favorite. I had a blast at the Shakespeare festival, and Ashland is the home to my beloved Bloomsbury Books and Coffee!

Though I certainly can't overrule my adventure in Corvallis, OR with my aunt Charm, where I learned lots about my mom's “scandalous” past (just kidding, mom!). And Corvallis is such a quaint, charming little town even without the family history!

But my favorite B&B (and favorite host!) was in Crescent City, CA. I had a blast for the 20-ish hours I spent there, even though the most I saw of the city was the Thai food restaurant Paula recommended for dinner (I'm still not sure what it's name was, it just said 'THAI FOOD' on the roof!).

In short (or not so short!), I have favorite things about each city I visited.

What was your least favorite city?

I had a rough time In Portland, OR because many of the streets had been realigned (therefore rendering Michelle somewhat useless), and my aunt had warned me that Portland is not a city to wander around at night (which is exactly what I ended up doing after spending too much time at the fascinating Powell's City of Books!). But by no means did I dislike being there! Everything was all part of my Great Adventure!

How many miles, round trip, did you drive?

I'm still kicking myself for this...I forgot to set the odometer when I left. But thanks to MapQuest and Michelle, I was able to deduce that my total mileage came to approximately 3,200 miles (from Phoenix, AZ to Anacortes, WA).

And that's not even including all the in-between driving, such as my coastal adventure in Astoria, the commutes from my aunt's house into the surrounding towns, and my jaunt into Alameda for some historic-house touring! If you take into account all the “extraneous adventures,” I'll bet the more accurate calculations are closer to 4,000 miles! Whoo-ee!

Didn't you ever get lonely?

Nope. If anything, I grew to appreciate my solitude. I've always been an introspective person, which makes it easy for me to pass the time reflecting and enjoying my own company. I think that's an extremely important trait for everyone to develop, in fact. If you can't be comfortable with yourself, it will be that much more complicated for others to be comfortable with you.

Not to mention the fact that so much of my time was spent with either friends, family, or friendly people I met at my numerous B&Bs! Between trying on wigs with my cousin, making applesauce with Jerry, engaging in Dinnertime Courtroom antics with quirky lawyers, or discussing my future with breakfast companions, I had very little time (or reason) to feel lonely.

However, I will admit to occasionally feeling the pang of longing for my kitty-babies back in Phoenix. And frequently I would go days without talking to family or friends. That part got a little lonely. But those moments were few and far between!

How did you pass the many hours on the road?

For almost the entire “first leg” of my trip, I listened to music. My top playlist was of course Bruce Springsteen, but I also sang my heart out to musical theater selections such as The Lion King, Wicked, Mama Mia!, and RENT. At one point I even brought out the Christmas music- purely as a road-rage-defuser, I promise (I was stuck in really bad traffic on my way into Davis, CA and needed some serious mood-lifting). My mom and I had a book on tape we'd been listening to, but I didn't want to finish the story without her.

Interestingly, at some point during my 6 day stay with my aunt Charm I turned the music off. Or rather, I just never turned it on when I got in the car. Instead I allowed my mind to wander freely, flowing from topic to topic in a refreshing stream of consciousness. Sometimes a song would lodge itself between my ears, but I never felt the need to externalize it. Contrary to what you might think, there was no deep thinking taking place, at least on a conscious level. It goes back to being able to enjoy my own company. Though, according to Tanya I had to turn the music off to make room for the many voices inside my head that were busy discussing where I should go next. That would make me very much not alone, wouldn't it?! I'm grateful to Madame Facetious for her input, but a budding schitzo I am not! (Yoda maybe, but that's it!).

The music stayed off all the way through the rest of my “first leg” and into my “second leg” (aka return south) until the end of my time in Portland, OR (I needed the distraction after a particularly harrowing experience trying to find my way out of downtown).

Did you get enough sleep?

Probably not. But I didn't really start to feel it until Eugene, OR. Around that time I started to notice the exhaustion-baggies under my eyes (look closely, you'll see them too. Ugh!), as well as what I now refer to as my “sleep squint” look (which I think is especially obvious in the Crescent City and Alameda pics). I'm sure I could have done some cover-up with makeup...but I was too tired to deal with that extra effort!

What do you feel you “gained” from going on your trip?

Well, first of all, I gained the satisfaction of actually going! I know that there were plenty of people out there who did not believe that I would go through with it. Fortunately this trip was never about anyone else, just me, so I didn't (still don't) care that people had their doubts. But still, it was a nice confidence boost to be able to stare that collective Doubt in the eye and say "look at me, I've gone above and beyond," then swat triumphantly at the pesky hands of that collective Doubt, which had been insidiously pinching away my resolve. On the day I hit the road, I finally moved out of its reach.

Since returning, I truly feel like I'm a different person, at least in the way I approach the world. My eyes have been opened to all the world has to offer...as well as what I have to offer to the world. My road trip was never about "growing up," it wasn't a one-last-stand against joining the "real world." Rather, my road trip allowed me to find my place in said Real World. Or at the very least, it gave me the freedom to search, to break from the bonds of other people's expectations and focus on me, on where I was going, on where I wanted to be.

You mentioned that your entire trip was one coincidence after another. Were there any other good ones you haven't mentioned yet?

Uh, yeah! One of the more intriguing ones was the song “I'll Be Seeing You”... I swear I heard it in no less than 5 different places, possibly more! Let's see:

-at Von's getting groceries for my grandma (Carlsbad, CA- when it all started!)

-at the Evangeline's wig station (Davis, CA) ?? - I'm not 100% on that one. Input, Mollie?

-waiting to order coffee at the Key of C coffeeshop (Ashland, OR)

-inside the Cannery Landing bookstore (Friday Harbor, San Juan Islands, WA)

-while carousing inside the Westcore Center mall (Seattle, WA)

-at a smoothie place I no longer remember the name of (Astoria, OR)

-wandering around an outdoor shopping complex on 5^th ave (Eugene, OR- I specifically remember stopping in my tracks, muttering “are you kidding me?!” then hurrying back to my car completely spooked! That's the last time I remember hearing it- whew!)

Ok, so that's 7, whoa! I can think of a few other places I recall hearing music, but I can't remember if my “stalker song” was one of them. Still, that's an awful lot of recurrences for a not-particularly-mainstream song, isn't it??

I do kind of like the symbolism, though: even though I left each city as quickly as I arrived, it's like the city is serenading me, saying 'remember the memories, remember these places you've been, and come back someday.' A little over the top? Maybe. But when coincidence calls, I've got to answer!

You were supposed to be checking out grad schools along the way. Did you pick one?

My top 3 choices were SDSU (San Diego, CA), OSU (Corvallis, OR), and U of O (Eugene, OR). Unfortunately only one of them actually has a social work program. Fortunately, that made the selection process easy: SDSU (which was my first choice from the beginning, anyway)

Do you have any road trips planned for the future?

Heck yes I do! I plan to roadtrip the east coast on an Original 13 Colonies self-guided tour!!! Unfortunately you have to be 25 to rent a car, so I have to get through one more birthday before I can go - As much fun as it would be to road trip across the country and use my own car, that's just not a plausible option. Poor Roxy would probably keel over on me! Not to mention the amount of travel time that would require. Maybe after I retire and have plenty of time to see as much of the world as I want. Something else to look forward to!

What's next (in your immediate future)?

It just so happens that I recently had an interview for a care manager position at Sunrise Assisted Living in Carlsbad, CA (where my grandma lives!). Coincidentally, it took place two days after my birthday, so my mom and I postponed our return trip to Phoenix so I could attend! I'm still waiting to hear back from them...I really hope they call me for a second interview!!! My plan is to move to Carlsbad within the next 2 weeks, get a job (hopefully at Sunrise!), then apply to SDSU after I've established residency (1 year I believe). Sunrise strives to work with employees who are also in school, which is another reason why Sunrise would be the perfect place to work (second only to the fact that it's a perfect precursor to what I want to do...medical social work!). I can really see myself working at Sunrise, gaining experience, combining that experience with what I learn in the classroom, and truly making a name (and a life!) for myself in the social work field.

And that about sums it up! I loved my road trip, I had the time of my life, and I hope you enjoyed being a part of it! My amazing journey documented at Meryl's Meanderings will live on in my memory forever...especially because I'm a sentimentalist and will undoubtedly go back and re-live read about my adventures over and over again!

(Just so you know, this blog is not going anywhere. I'll be picking up here where I left off with observations and experiences as they come! Stay tuned!)