Earlier this week I babysat my 7 year old cousin, Tia. When I got to her house she had just come home from school, and she wanted to go to the park instead of do her homework. This is the (condensed) conversation that ensued:
ME: "Let's hurry up and get your homework done."
TIA: *scowls at me and crosses her arms defiantly* "But I want to go to the park."
ME: "The park is a reward, Tia. You have to do something to earn it, like do your homework."
TIA: "But I don't WANT to do it right now!"
ME: "I'm sorry you don't want to do your homework, but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. It's called 'making compromises,' and it's part of life. Grown ups don't want to go to work every day, but we have to make money. You have to do your homework. It's not a choice. I'm sorry you don't like it."
TIA: "But the homework is harder than you think! It's nouns."
ME: "Well let me look at it, and I'll help you. I majored in English, I know nouns! Do you remember what nouns are?"
TIA: "Person, place, thing, or animal."
ME: "This will not take long at all. Let's just get it done, then we can go to the park."
TIA: "But if we wait too long, it will be too dark!"
ME: "Let's compromise. This homework has two parts. Let's do the first half, then we'll go to the park. When we come back, you will finish the rest."
TIA: *nods her head 'yes', then begrudgingly sits down at the table.*
For those of you who are thinking that my compromise turned me into a sucker, you are wrong! Tia is a very smart little girl, and she is actually very good about getting her homework done. I could tell that her "meltdown" mostly had to do with needing a break, since she had just come home from school.
Just how smart is Tia? See for yourself, in an exchange she later had with a family who was also at the park playing:
LITTLE GIRL: *Pointing to the school across the street, which also happens to be Tia's* "That's my school, I'm in kindergarten next year."
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: "No, honey, you'll be in preschool next year. You're only three. You're a little kid."
LITTLE GIRL: "Well, soon I will be a big kid."
TIA: "I'm a big kid. And you know what?"
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: "What?"
TIA: "When you're big you have to do things you don't want to."
ME: *Mouth falls open with shock and pride*
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: "Yes, that's certainly the truth!"
We left the park an hour later. After we had rested for a bit Tia led the way to the table, and we had the rest of her homework done in about 5 minutes!!
Rewards come in all forms, whether it's something tangible (like a trip to the park) or simply felt (like recognizing that you've been heard and heeded).
Tia and I both learned something important that day: in every Situation there is a Lesson to be learned...
whether we want to hear about it or not!!!*
*Yes, I'm also referring to myself... I would have preferred that Tia listen to me the first time around instead of argue, even at the expense of forfeiting the day's Life Lesson! But who doesn't feel that way during a willpower-showdown??
ME: "Let's hurry up and get your homework done."
TIA: *scowls at me and crosses her arms defiantly* "But I want to go to the park."
ME: "The park is a reward, Tia. You have to do something to earn it, like do your homework."
TIA: "But I don't WANT to do it right now!"
ME: "I'm sorry you don't want to do your homework, but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. It's called 'making compromises,' and it's part of life. Grown ups don't want to go to work every day, but we have to make money. You have to do your homework. It's not a choice. I'm sorry you don't like it."
TIA: "But the homework is harder than you think! It's nouns."
ME: "Well let me look at it, and I'll help you. I majored in English, I know nouns! Do you remember what nouns are?"
TIA: "Person, place, thing, or animal."
ME: "This will not take long at all. Let's just get it done, then we can go to the park."
TIA: "But if we wait too long, it will be too dark!"
ME: "Let's compromise. This homework has two parts. Let's do the first half, then we'll go to the park. When we come back, you will finish the rest."
TIA: *nods her head 'yes', then begrudgingly sits down at the table.*
For those of you who are thinking that my compromise turned me into a sucker, you are wrong! Tia is a very smart little girl, and she is actually very good about getting her homework done. I could tell that her "meltdown" mostly had to do with needing a break, since she had just come home from school.
Just how smart is Tia? See for yourself, in an exchange she later had with a family who was also at the park playing:
LITTLE GIRL: *Pointing to the school across the street, which also happens to be Tia's* "That's my school, I'm in kindergarten next year."
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: "No, honey, you'll be in preschool next year. You're only three. You're a little kid."
LITTLE GIRL: "Well, soon I will be a big kid."
TIA: "I'm a big kid. And you know what?"
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: "What?"
TIA: "When you're big you have to do things you don't want to."
ME: *Mouth falls open with shock and pride*
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: "Yes, that's certainly the truth!"
We left the park an hour later. After we had rested for a bit Tia led the way to the table, and we had the rest of her homework done in about 5 minutes!!
Rewards come in all forms, whether it's something tangible (like a trip to the park) or simply felt (like recognizing that you've been heard and heeded).
Tia and I both learned something important that day: in every Situation there is a Lesson to be learned...
whether we want to hear about it or not!!!*
*Yes, I'm also referring to myself... I would have preferred that Tia listen to me the first time around instead of argue, even at the expense of forfeiting the day's Life Lesson! But who doesn't feel that way during a willpower-showdown??
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